My wrongs and and ways to correct them

When i first decided to make this blog, it became of a talk I had with one of my homeboyz that is getting married soon. He asked what I wanted out of life, and of course i said money and happiness, and he said no man like in terms of relationships and having a partner. I tried to do my typical talking around the subject to get around it, but I was baffled when i thought in my mind that I am lacking in the relationship department. Dont get me wrong now i got mines, even if it was to the detriment of some people that really cared about me. Now as i get older i look back on some of my past relationships and realized that maybe my phobia in life is caring about someone so much i am scared of the let down and things not being picture perfect. I can make a comparision to walking up stairs and the more stairs u walk up the harder it is to come back down and it gets to a point where u are so high and you look down and your scared because, you have come so far and at that point u realize they are all your life, not saying its a bad thing but its a reality check and espically for a youngster like myself. Now in my life i have had two meaningful realationships,one was love and i know that with my heart, the other was close but I never had that feeling. My first relationship was everything I could ever wish for, we both made our mistakes and faults, but as my homeboy and I were discussing, love is crazy thing, its a crazy feeling, a scary feeling to know that you care about a person to the point of wanting to put them before yourself, and as a youngster that is a hard concept to attain. In all honesty I would do anything to have that feeling back again but Its so cliche but every girl i meet is put against that love feeling and to my own evilness, alot of girls get sacrificed to the game. i know i dont have any chemistry but i also long for companionship of some sort. COming from a home where in my opionion and never saw true love, i am having to discover it in my on light and in my own mind. Am i at the age i want to get married.NOO but am i at the age where I wanna put the games down and find the one that makes my heart as brand new as a new infant child. In conclusion to this note, if you are a guy and you have that special someone keep them close, Love is something you should embrace and cherish cause there is no glamour in being a player, a player is just a form of insecurity in which you need women to validate yourself as a man, behind every player is a man that prays every night to find that woman of his dreams. I wish i had never woke up when i had the girl of my dreams, but life is what it is, I grow everyday of my mistakes and with that in mind makes everyday better than the one before, the joy in life is that everyday is another chance to get it right this time,ladies i challenge you to stop putting these standards on dudes and pushing them away, u want all these things from a guy but what are you bringing? that concludes this blog, next one coming tommorow, to further discuss this topic in detail.