Back at it again

Back at it again, life is good, so cyclical as it may be,it is a beautiful thing (life). The same way the clouds fight the sun from brilliant radiance it brings, i feel like something I stop myself form shining. The old quote, "be careful what you wish for, u may just get it all" is applicable to my situation, I have all the ingredients to the pie but I can get the recipe right. I have the perfect girl, a good job, maturing mind, self renewed relationship with GOD, adequate monetary funds, I just cant figure out the right mix to make the pie taste like it is supposed to. I look at myself and think how long can i play these games and deny myself the best blessing that I have and that is my happiness. My theory is simple being a playa is sign of weakness or needing validation for missing something within. I was there and in some way still working out of that, I wasnt widely accepted into my middle school years and I think i seek validation in others sometimes when I am feeling weak. It came from not being able to categorize myself as a a youngster, I went a white school in elementary where i was the black kid and a black church where I was the white acting black kid. I deal with these issues still to this day, although I am getting better. You may ask what the hell does this have to do with anything, well it goes back to my longing to be accepted and doing the extra mile and putting up an image that necessarily may not be me., and like my mom says." If someone tells you that the sky is green so many times u will start to believe it" and that is kinda wat happened. I found my niche in getting girls, everybody wants to be around the guy with the girls. The quagmire of the situation is when i met the perfect girl, the one that can turn your worst days into the best, that real ,deep burning, amazing, unconditional, inseparable love, the love that all the mistakes i made were forgiven. I thought that once you had one u had every woman but that was until i lost this legendary woman, now i am sure they dont make em like her anymore. The journey of maturation is a crazy one, something i am ashamed for but i dont take them back for they made me the responsible person i am today. My theory went from have has many as possible to why cant i just have the one i want. Sitting here in Columbia Maryland at this desk and looking around and I have everything but I still feel incomplete and I think she still has the piece of my heart and I would like it back....Im ready....I know i broke your heart and its a million pieces but if I am willing to work and put the pieces bak together and at least make a collage. An old man once told that you can have the world but without the girl it will never make you happy and i understand that completely, whats this life if you dont have the person of your dreams to share it with. Life is fragile almost like a mirror, we have smears, cracks, and marks on it, but with the right cleaner(woman) it can be brand new again....I feel like a dog off a leash i roam around to the neighbors house sometimes but I know where my home is and where I want to be. Actions will be louder than 10,000 angels singing there blessings as hopefully i take your hand one day hopefully off GODS right hand and make you mine, i dont think GOD would mine if i borrow one of his angels for a couple years.... :) Goodnight GOD BLESS. LAUGH LOVE LIVE.....I guess what I am saying is forever with you doesn't seem all that bad.

Growing up sucks. Not all kisses are magic, and most girls do not live up to your expectations, but there are those times when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships, it all falls together perfectly and it’s incredible. It’s those moments, no matter how depressingly few and far between, that make growing up worth it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnw6QDve7Xc